A tragedy of the nature and severity which we, in the United States and in the world, have just experienced – and are still in the throes of experiencing -- is NOT something any of us is prepared to deal with.  AND it is NOT something we would have ever expected to occur. 
     This, of course, makes it all the more awful and potentially debilitating.  And, if we give it the chance and know how to allow it to do so, it can give us the incredible chance to develop additional strengths and to build and perfect new skills. 
     There are WAYS THAT WORK that can assist you to create a constructive style FOR YOURSELF to deal with this traumatic stress.  Note well, the pattern that you design for yourself will be uniquely appropriate for YOU.  It may not fit others; it does not need to.  Each person can create his/her own unique coping strategy … and, by the very act of creating it for yourself, you insure its “fit” for you. 
     Below you will find basic building blocks to guide you to forge that effective coping strategy that works SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU.  Take your time – You will find that the very process through which you pass to devise your Unique Coping Strategy has already initiated your ultimate healing!

1.  Emotional Activity:  Dealing with Your Feelings 

   Feelings are important guides to us – barometers, if you will -- of how we are doing.  Not only do emotions provide color and variety to our experiences, they connect our total awareness in a way that no other faculty can.  Emotions can be expressed through our bodies and can often be influenced and changed by our thoughts.  As a result, our emotions serve as a bridge to our mind and body.     

     a.    Recognize Your Feelings

          What are you feeling … right now, at this very moment?  Some
          possibilities could include:

• a.  shock

• b.  disbelief

• c.  denial

• d.  sadness

• e.  anger

• f.   revenge

• g.  rage

• h.  hatred

• i.  confusion

• j.  vulnerability

• k. uncertainty

• l.  powerlessness

or, possibly, you might be feeling ALL of the above!  Or, possibly, some feelings that are not mentioned above.  Or, perhaps, at different times you feel a number of all of these conflicting emotions. 

All of this is natural!  Feelings are natural.   They are one part of the experience that we call BEING HUMAN!  And, even more importantly, YOUR feelings are a unique expression of that being who is YOURSELF!!

b. Honor Your Feelings 

So, now that you have identified what you are feeling … and, hopefully, now that you understand just how natural it is to be feeling that … what can you do? 

What you can constructively do is to accept AND respect your own unique expression.  That’s right!  Maybe you have never before just accepted a part of you … and here I am blithely suggesting that you do so now.  Yes, I am.

So HOW do you do this?

You begin acceptance of a part of yourself by just letting it be.  That’s right – no judgments allowed.  No criticisms.  No contradictions.  No wronging of yourself.  Just straight out, “I feel this way and that is OK!” 

I know that, for some of you, that was a really, really TOUGH ONE.  So, give yourself a well-deserved rest break now! 

You are doing incredibly well in extremely trying territory!! … Then, proceed with the “c” below.

    c.  Notice Where You Feel Your Emotions

           That’s right – Where in your body do you notice your feelings? 

• a.      your head?

• b.      your neck?

• c.       your upper back?

• d.      your lower back?

• e.      your shoulders?

• f.       your stomach?

• g.      around your heart?

Is it always in the same place?  Does it move around?  Do certain emotions “strike you” in the head, but certain other ones in the stomach?

Once again, all of this is normal.  Being aware of how it is FOR YOU puts you more in charge of your own experience … rather than being at the mercy of your experience.

Go ahead, make notes about what you notice about you.  We will use these in just a little bit.

d.    What Relieves Your Emotions?

     OK, now list those things that help that part of your body to relax.  What
     things help you release the feelings that you are holding?

• a.      crying

• b.      yelling

• c.      stomping your feet

• d.      hitting a heavy bag (punching bag)

• e.      kicking a heavy bag (punching bag)

• f.       hitting a pillow or cushion

• g.      going to Church

• h.      prayer

• i.      meditation

• j.       self-hypnosis

• k.      taking a bath

• l.      talking about what you feel with someone who listens

• m.   talking about what you feel with someone who understands

• n.     taking a nap

• o.     deep breathing

All of these can be constructive expressions of your emotions.  Can you add others?  I’m sure you can.  Remember – those were constructive expressions!!  Now select a couple of these that you think – or KNOW -- will work for you.

e.   Release Your Feelings in Moderation ... Frequently, When Beneficial!

Now, on a scale of 1 to 10 – where 1 is not at all uptight/stressed and 10
 is maximum stress, select the number that best fits your present
 condition.  OK, with your activities in mind, select one of them and do it
 for 15 minutes. 

After this period take careful note – Do you feel better?  Rate yourself
 again on that continuum of 1 to 10.  Where do you land now? 

Is it better, but not yet an 8?  OK, do your first activity for another 15
 minutes. 

Again, become aware of what you are experiencing.  Where would you
 rate yourself on the 1 to 10 scale now?

If you are still not at an 8, choose another activity.  Perform that activity
 for 15 minutes.  Again, check your rating.  Continue in this fashion until
 you are down to an 8. 

Did you notice your feelings beginning to change and to move in your
 body.  This is an interesting thing about feelings – when they are
 expressed, they do not get trapped inside; they move and evolve and
 change into other forms.  Be sure to check this out and notice it for
 yourself!

2.  Mental Activity

     a.  Brainstorm

  Brainstorm the realistic things that you CAN do.  Make a list … be
  creative.  Get others involved in brainstorming, too!     

    b.  Recognize Reality

        There are certain principles in life that simply are the way they
        are.  We have not decided they are so; often, we don't even
        WANT them to be so!  As humans, however, we just experience
        them as part of life.  One of these principles is that EVIL EXISTS.  

          There is a corresponding – and MUCH MORE powerful principle:  GOOD
          EXISTS.  Good exists and it exists in abundance!  If you need proof:  Just
          look at the overwhelmingly supportive-response that so many people have
          provided during this tragedy.  Blood given by people who are phobic
          about needles.  Money donated by out-of-work single parents.  This is a
          miracle in itself!

           So, since Good exists and Evil exists, where does this leave each of us
           individual human beings?  Here, again, is a VERY PERSONAL answer. 
           That answer will be unique to each person who courageously stands up
           and answers the question. 

            Where DOES this leave YOU??

            My personal answer is that it leaves me doing what I do anyway.  It
            leaves me carrying on with my own personal mission statement.  That
            mission statement is to look after myself with as much care and love as I
            can, so that I am able to provide love and support and guidance to those
            with whom I come into contact.

            Now, where does the reality that both Good and Evil exist leave YOU?

     c.  POSITIVE MIND CONTROL

            Now, we get to the REAL CHALLENGE!  If you are going to be maximally
            effective in dealing with your own emotions and doing what you can do 
            to support others during this time of crisis, there is something you
            absolutely cannot afford to do:  Namely, let your mind run wildly into all
            kind of negative, catastrophic directions!

            Don’t get me wrong.  Read that last paragraph carefully.  You, certainly,
            CAN choose to let your mind run any way you want.  I cannot control
            where you choose to direct your mind!  Nor do I want to.

            What I am saying only applies to you if you are interested in dealing
            effectively and constructively with your emotions.  My words here are
            only apropos if you are interested in getting OUT of the Powerless
            Trap – This is happening to us!  There is nothing we can do!

            If these two conditions apply to you, then it is ESSENTIAL that YOU seize
            the reins of your own mind.  It is time for you to direct your mind – on
            purpose and consciously -- into only those corridors that are strictly
            POSITIVE.  (Actually, this is a skill that is so powerful and so beneficial
            that you will want to apply later in other situations, too.)

            So, how do you seize the reins of your mind and ONLY let it go in positive
            directions?  Specifically, you

• a.      pay strict attention to your every thought;

• b.      write down the negative thoughts that seem to re-occur (This is designed to

• c.       whenever one of these thoughts begins to form in your mind, you tell yourself, “No!” and change the thought to a positive affirmation … then assign yourself a productive task from the list you will construct in the next

• d.      continue this exercise as long as there are negative thoughts that occupy

             You can’t go wrong with this exercise:  It really works!  And no matter
             how long it takes you, you are thinking --  and acting -- much more
             productively than you would have been with a pattern of negative,
             catastrophic thoughts!   

3.  Physical Activity

Physical activity pulls us out of negative thoughts and emotions.  Carefully-selected physical activity can also go a long way toward creating positive results.   

Below are listed some of the ideas that you may have brainstormed in 2a (above).  Or, you might be able to use these ideas as stimuli to your thinking now:

• a.      Pray for the victims’ families and friends;

• b.      Send mental support in the form of positive thoughts of strength retroactively to the victims;  (This comes from a belief that I hold that goes something like this:  Since thoughts are energy and energy is spirit and spirit has no limitations, thoughts can transcend time and space.  So, it is possible to send support energy back in time to anyone.)

• c.       Pray for yourself and your family and friends;

• d.      Comfort those around you in whatever form that comfort might be appreciated

• e.      Comfort yourself;

• f.        Take care of your own needs … then you will have energy for a, b, c, d, e, g & h!

• g.      Donate blood, if you can
   -- encourage others to donate;

• h.   Donate money, if you can
   --  encourage others to donate;  

•  i.   Pray for, and send positive mental support to, the emergency workers and personnel;

•  j.   Limit the time you spend watching catastrophe details on TV; watching television filled with disaster drains our energy; by and
  large, you will not be learning new information, you will just be
  getting drained and depressed.  Think of all the beneficial ways
  you could be using THAT energy … then do them!

4.  Reaching Out to Yourself & to Those Close to You

a.   Your Child(ren)

• 1.  Let your child talk about their feelings
       -- let them take the lead about WHAT they discuss;
     --  let them say describe their emotions in their own way;
       -- be careful to accept, not censor, their feelings;

• 2.   Reassure your child that you are there … that they are safe.   

• 3.   Let your child talk some more

• 4.   For younger and more sensitive children, screen the news
        stories that they hear.  

• 5.   Let your child talk.  Don’t presume s/he is having a problem. 
        Let him/her tell you.

• 6.   Brainstorm with your child what s/he can do to help out.

• 7.   Listen as your child talks some more.

Please Note:  Some reactions to trauma can be delayed.  Continue to observe.  Continue to listen.  Notice what is occurring with yourself and with your children. 

b.    Other Adults

TRAUMA can stimulate reactions to previous traumas.  For example, a person may find that s/he is experiencing flashbacks of -- or having nightmares about -- a prior trauma.  Perhaps, in her/his childhood, s/he had survived a serious fire.  It is possible for the traumatic nature of this current disaster to trigger memories and emotional reactions that were a part of that previously-harrowing time.

As another example, perhaps someone had been in a past traumatic situation in which they were at the mercy of someone else's abuse.  It is possible for feelings of powerlessness, fear, uncertainty, etc., that were part of the original abusive situation to be re-triggered by feelings of powerlessness, fear, uncertainty, etc., stimulated at this time by the terrorist attack.

For example, a person may find that s/he is experiencing flashbacks of, or having nightmares about, a prior trauma.  For example, perhaps, at a time in the past, s/he had survived a serious fire.  It is possible for the traumatic nature of this current disaster to trigger memories of that previously-harrowing time. 

This will especially be true if there are some aspects of the previous trauma which were not dealt with fully.  If this is occurring for someone you know and/or love, encourage the person to seek out a qualified counselor or psychotherapist to provide professional assistance. 

    c. Yourself

Continue to notice your own feelings and thoughts, too.  If you notice that old trauma has been stimulated for you, seek out a qualified professional counselor or therapist to provide you with beneficial assistance.

Use the stress-management and constructive feeling-release techniques discussed in sections 1d, 1e and 2c above.  Use them as long and as often as you benefit from them.  Heck, use them the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!

If these are not helping – and/or if your reactions are growing worse or getting destructive – it is time for you to seek individualized professional help.  Do not hesitate.  Do not delay.  The sooner you apply a solution- that- works for you, the faster you will heal!